The Hidden Consequences of Doing Everything for Your Kids

The Breaking Point: A Moment of Frustration and Reflection

Some time ago, I had a coaching session that shed light on an important aspect of my parenting style. It all began with a moment of frustration when one of my teens was disrespectful towards my partner and me.

Now, I know they're typical teenagers, and that's how they roll. But there was one incident that really got under my skin. It left me more hurt and disappointed than usual, and I couldn't let it slide. So, I fired off a text to my daughter, saying something along the lines of, "You better apologise, or don't come asking me for any favours. We bend over backward for you, and you show us no respect."

During the coaching session as I was venting, my coach asked me about my feelings surrounding the incident. I admitted to feeling angry, resentful, and sad. This led us to delve deeper into my role as a parent and what I did for my teens.

When I reflected on my daily activities, I realised I was doing pretty much everything for my kids. In my mind, it seemed easier for me to unpack the dishwasher than have them whinge and carry on about it. I was the one folding the washing and putting it away, and taking charge of cleaning up after dinner, mainly because I'm a bit of a control freak, and I liked things done a certain way, do you know what I mean?

The Light Bulb Moment of Realising the Disservice I Was Doing to My Kids

But then my coach posed a thought-provoking question: Were my kids even aware of the efforts I put in for them? After contemplating this, I came to a significant realisation - they weren't aware of the extent of my contributions. You see, my kids don't appreciate everything I do because I'd just been doing it all without a fuss.

And here's the light bulb moment: I'd been doing them a disservice by not teaching them how to do their fair share of regular household chores. I mean, how are they going to run their own households one day if I don't teach them? I needed to prepare them to manage their own households independently in the future.

As the coaching session wrapped up, I hatched a plan. Instead of being a one-woman show, I decided to involve my kids in specific chores. This way, I could teach them a thing or two, and we'd have a chance to bond as well. I was optimistic that this change would benefit our entire family.

Now, I know some of you might think, "What the...?" But I believe there are others out there who have been unknowingly doing the same. I used to think that doing everything for my kids was a way to show my love. I even wore it as a badge of honour. However, I’ve since realised that it wasn't helping anyone, least of all myself. I was overwhelmed, juggling chores, building my business, and dealing with disrespect from the ones I loved most.

In a way, I felt foolish. I hadn't been practicing what I preached. I advocate for self-care and setting boundaries, yet I found myself meditating to find calm and then immediately transforming into a domestic servant in the kitchen straight after.

A New Approach and Reclaiming Balance

It's been a while since that coaching session and from the get-go, I could see a change in their attitude. Just by talking it out, they started to realise how much I do for them. They accepted the new chore roster without a peep. Although they still do require some encouragement at times, but the chore roster speaks for itself.

Not only does this give me a chance to chat and catch up with the kids as we tackle our duties together, but it also ensures that my standards are upheld. I make sure to express my gratitude to them for their help and let them know that it's lightened my load.

And you know what? I don't feel as resentful anymore. I'm not shouldering all the responsibilities on my own. I feel good, and I think they do too. They give me a shy smile or a little giggle when I thank them, and I know it makes them feel a little proud of themselves as well.

So, let's sum it all up, shall we?

• Lesson number one: Doing everything for your kids does them a disservice.
• Lesson number two: If you do everything for them, they won't appreciate you, and they might even disrespect you along the way.
• Lesson number three: It's never too late to set loving boundaries for your family and honour yourself.
• And lesson number four: Coaching is the best. I learn something new about myself or discover a better way to live my life in every session.

Now, if you're in need of some help to create a bit of calm and feel good, I offer a self-paced coaching program called Break the Busy Cycle and Claim Calm. This program will help you to say goodbye to overwhelm, exhaustion, and resentment. No more playing the martyr or feeling guilty. Instead, you'll be modelling positive stress management techniques through time-management and self-care. And the best part? You'll create more balance, peace, and calm in your life so you can find more joy in being a woman.

If you're ready to create some calm and feel good now, jump on board, learn more and sign up for the coaching program right here. There are also worksheets and downloads, including the invaluable Daily Household Chore Roster that I use for my family.

Thanks as always for reading, and by the way, my daughter did apologise to me after that disrespectful incident later that evening. She might be a teenager, but it warms my heart to know she's got a conscience and can own up when she's in the wrong. It must mean I'm doing something right…